Types of players

At one time or another, we have all dealt with a player. Whether he was your brother, cousin, co-worker, friend of one of your friends or just an acquaintance, you have once in your life had an interaction with a player. Mind you, not all players are cut from the same cloth. The same way we might have an actor that's amazingly superior to all other actors (or inferior), we will also have a player that has more game then the next. But like I said, they are all different. How about we look at the types of players out there?

P*ssy Magnet

There's not much for him to do really. All he has to do is be there. He barely needs to talk or even smile. Some guys just exude a quiet confidence about them while others just have that look. The dude is so handsome that women literally trip over themselves when they see him. It's an added plus if the dude can hold his own in a conversation; but more often then not it's not a prerequisite.  We all know a p*ssy magnet right?

Stewie Griffin

Named after the baby in Family Guy. Let's be real, if you've never seen the show (or remember your first time  watching it), you might not think much of Stewie on the surface. I mean he's a baby for crying out loud; what he could he possibly do to impress us? Well thing is Stewie is just as important (if not more) then Peter Griffin to the show. His accent, his distaste for anything involving talking to people, his hatred of his family and his use of fancy words make him an impressively funny character. Now add to that his small baby stature and his reliance on Lois to actually mother him, that just takes him over the top. Well some guys are like that. You expect so little of them when you first see them, that they can just wow you. For instance, I know a dude that 's a DJ and he's not the most appealing looking dude you've ever see. Hell, even his conversations are sub par. But the dude just has a knack  for picking up women, getting all their money and have them fall in love with him. I know what some of you are thinking, he's a DJ; therefore he should get girls. I beg to differ. Just because you're in a position for people to come talk to you (to request songs or what not), that doesn't mean they have to like you. But some people just find a way to defy logic, hence the name Stewie.

Wilt Chamberlain

For those that are unfamiliar, Wilt Chamberlain is the only NBA player in history to score 100 points in a game and also average 50 points per game for a whole season. Needless to say, Wilt knew how to amass numbers. Well if you think that's impressive, Wilt once claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women. Think of that number for a second. That's a whole lot of action. But don't get it twisted though, quantity does not mean quality. Therefore, Wilt's list of conquests might look something like this:

-hot white woman

-hot black woman

-hot asian woman

-hot latina woman

-hot arab woman

-hot jewish woman

-hot indian woman

-obese white woman

-bucktooth white woman

-grey haired obese white woman

-ass hanging on ankles obese ugly black woman

-big breasted paraplegic black woman

-curry fish smelling indian woman

-bearded lady with hair on her back

-hermaphrodite chick named Jamie

-Charlie's Angels

-A massage parlor 

-All of the Hookers in the United States from 1965 to about 1975

-All the women that have no money and that ask you for $5 to eat

-Possibly even some of the pimps from 1965 to 1975 as well

-Every woman of every NBA arena (this sounds strangely like R. Kelly and Lil'Wayne's track "Every Girl"; you know, the song where they say " I wish I could f*ck every girl in the world...."

-Any man that might slightly resemble a woman; think of the likes of Prince

-Any woman that might slightly resemble a man; think of Whoopi Goldberg

-Every showgirl for Las Vegas

-Here's a scary thought: the mother of someone you know

-The shy and ugly girl that one of your girlfriends asks you to find her someone that's nice; yup, instead of finding a guy to hook up with her, Wilt finds himself to hook up with her

-Every crack whore from the 60's and 70's and so on

See, the dude allegedly slept with so many women that I can't even find enough hypothetical women to actually complete the list. Anybody feel like adding to the list? Please help me. That being said, the "Wilt" player is all about the numbers baby.

Itchy and Scratchy

Itchy and Scratchy is the cartoon that Bart and Lisa (from the Simpsons) watch regularly on television. The premise behind the show is kind of like Tom & Jerry; except that in Itchy and Scratchy the result is usually bloody and disgusting. The “Itchy & Scratchy” type of player is the one that always gets caught. He thinks he’s slick and that he knows how to kick game but truth is, his repertoire is weaker then R. Kelly’s ability to resist temptation. This type of player is routinely ridiculed and made fun by some of the guys in his surroundings and also the women that catch him. When he gets caught, it’s usually in a spectacularly retarded fashion.

Wu-Tang

The Wu-Tang clan are a rap group that revolutionized rap in the mid 90’s thanks to their ability to rap collectively in a large group. They were always about supporting one another. Here’s an excerpt from their song “Clan in da front”

    Up from the 36 Chambers...

    Heheh.. it's the Ghost..*Face*..*Killahh* Hehheheh

    Wu-Tang

    Wu-Tang Killa Beez, we on a swarm

    Wu-Tang Killa Beez, we on a swarm

    Wu-Tang Killa Beez, we on a swarm

    Wu-Tang Killa Beez, we on a swarm

    The RZA, the GZA, Ol Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, U-God

    Ghost Face Killer, the Method Man, Raekwon the Chef, the Master Killer

    Raw Desire, LeVon, Power Cipher

    Twelve O'Clock, Sixty Second Assassin, the 4th Disciple

    The Brand White

    K.D. the Down Low Wrecka, Shyheim AKA The Rugged Child

    Doo-Doo Wales, Mista Hezakiah -- better known as the Yin and the Yang

    The Tru Masta, Asan, DJ Skane, The Tru Robocop comin thru

    Scientific Shabazz, my motherfuckin man Wise the Civilized

    The Shaolin Soldiers, Daddy-O and Popa Ron

    Comin down from the motherfuckin South end of things

Notice how much emphasis is placed on making sure to mention all of the members? Well that’s the Wu. The Wu-Tang player is for all intents and purposes, a team player. If he goes out and hits the cluhb, he won’t only make sure that he has fun, but he will make sure that the group has fun. He’s a player, but he’s also the best wingman you’ve ever had. So he will hook up with a girl and make sure to get the know her friends in order for his boys to get a piece of the pie. “The saga continues, Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang.”

Usher

This one is simple. The Usher is the dude that's in a committed relationship but still getting his action on the side. In a perfect world, he wants to get his, never get caught and simply go on about his business. But if he screws up bad enough, he might have to make a "Confession" or even a "Confession part II" with the stuff he purposely omitted the first time around. You will recognize him at the cluhb as the dude that's constantly checking out the scenery to make sure none of the friends of his better half are there to catch him in the act.

Quick note: Like 2 years ago, there's a video that hit in the internet; it was a remake of the Confessions video, and the dude narrating was basically saying that Usher's confession was in fact that he was Haitian (Youtube the video, just type Usher Haitian video). For some reason it only hit me now, but Haitians have been known to spread their seed around; hence the multiple children with multiple women. Perhaps that's what the video editor was hinting at.

Verbal Kint

If the name sounds familiar but you can't recall who exactly he is, think back to the movie The Usual Suspects. Verbal Kint was the crippled dude (played by Kevin Spacey) that fooled everyone into thinking he was merely the idiot that people felt bad for and therefore let him in on a few deals. By the time the movie ends, Kint shows the world that he has mislead every body and that he is in fact the master mind behind everything. He fools the mob, the hustlers and the police. This type of player is the one that plays psychological games with you. You might perhaps think that he is a player but he will manipulate you into feeling bad for ever doubting him. He will find ways to sell you stories that would otherwise be iffy; but coming from him they make perfect sense. Kint is the type of guy that you might fall love in love with and that might have several other girlfriends but you never find out. Everyone knows who he is and have seen him at some point interacting with people, but he has never been seen in the company of a woman that you can say for sure he is involved with. Kint's trademark line in the movie: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was conving the world he didn't exist"

Mike Lowry

Mike Lowry is the character portrayed by Will Smith in Bad Boy and Bad Boys II. Mike is perceived to be a player by some; but don't get it twisted, that he is not. Those that properly analyzed the movie realize that Lowry offers no form of emotional attatchment to anybody besides Marcus and his family. So from the get go, Mike is telling you that you will not be his woman. He's the smooth guy that all the ladies dream about. The dude is smart, sophisticated and can enter and exit any conversation all the while making an impact. His player perception comes from the fact that he frequently associates with women. 

Alonzo Harris

In the movie Training Day, Denzel Washington plays the role of Alonzo Harris; a ruthless narcotics detective. Harris will do anything and everything to get his way: lie, cheat and steal. Harris' philosophy on life is one of self-preservation. He's not looking out for anybody except himself. When push comes to shove, he is willing to to trade off the life of his son for some money he has to give to some Russians to avoid execution. Well, some players are just like that. They will not be phased or denied. It doesn't matter if the girl is his best-friend's ex-girlfriend, his friend's sister or hell even his mother; the "Alonzo Harris" player plays for keeps and doesn't care who gets hurt in the process. Once he's done with the person in question, he's off to the next one and has no interest in consoling women after treating them like an ass. The Alonzo type is a dangerous one. As one of the latino gang members from Hillside Trece says in the movie: "Alonzo.......He's a ruthless vato."