Shyne's Week 9 NFL Picks

Welcome to our weekly football seminar. If you're here, it's because you're somewhat like me, you can't seem to get enough of NFL football. So we're doing the picks this week however I added a little wrinkle: I added the names (and links) of some die hard NFL fans that are on Twitter. Feel free to follow them (especially on Sundays so that we can all collectively enjoy the games together. Now, throw a glass of water in my face, slap me and we're good to go. Let's break this one down.....

Miami (3-4) @ New England (5-2): After hearing everything the Jets said before and after the game, one might think they actually defeated the Dolphins, but it turns out that they lost. I'm reminded of the Prince sketch by Dave Chappelle; where Prince defeats Charlie Murphy at basketball and then serves him blueberry pancakes. Prince then says: "you must be from lake many-talka". Talk the talk but walk the walk. Until then, the Dolphins own you guys. Mind you it won't be enough to win at New England. Pick: Patriots win 26-20.

Houston (5-3) @ Indianapolis (7-0): I am a Colts fan. Consequently I follow Indianapolis and always stay updated on the team. I know we have trouble stopping the run and that our linebackers can be taken advantage of in pass coverage. But ultimately, it’s like the scene in Wedding Crashers when John Ryan (played by Owen Wilson) tells Jeremy (played by Vince Vaughn) that he had to feel the hooters of Claire’s mother (played by Jane Seymour). Jeremy tells him that he’s selfish for bringing up such a problem because it’s a relatively small problem in the scheme of things. Indeed, although Indy’s defense is not the best, it’s more then adequate and last I checked we still had Peyton Manning. Pick: Colts win 23-17.

Baltimore (4-3) @ Cincinnati (5-2): In downtown Montreal, the corner of St-Laurent and Sainte-Catherine has always been known for clubs, Burger King and prostitution. You have to be tough guy to own that corner. What happens when another prospective pimp decides to invade your spot? You get down and dirty and settle it in gangster fashion. See on Sunday, two of the top three pimps in the AFC North will get together to fight and determine who gets a shot at owning the block. In the purple corner, backed by the most intense linebacker in the game today, Sugar Ray Lewis (his hoes Sugggggggga). In the orange corner, the undisputed heavyweight Twitter champ and the most entertaining wide receiver in league history, Chad Ochocinco (his hoes yell "85 in the house"). Cue in Michael Buffer: "This fight is sponsored by Ravens fans tweeters luvmyravens,BmoreDavy,tmkshew, Marcel, theanswerchaos. For the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home; ARE YOU READY TO RUMMMMBLE!" Enjoy the game. Pick: Ravens win 23-20.

Kansa City (1-6) @ Jacksonville (3-4): Back when I was a kid, I remember seeing the movie La Bamba. Richie Valens (played by Lou Diamond Phillips) was this cool guy that knew how to rock a guitar. Richie's kryptonite though was flying ; he was terrified of it . But nonetheless, after giving the best performance of his life, he had to catch a flight to head out of town. Even today, when I watch the movie again, I keep screaming at TV: "No Richie! Don't get on the plane!" But he inevitably catches his flight and it crashes thus leading to the death of Valens. You see the feeling I get when Richie was getting ready to board the plane, was the exact same feeling Jags fans ( Drew Breezzy, jaxlawgirl, Keiffers74, Duval_Jag and DelRiosbutt) had, when being reminded that Del Rio was still coaching the Jaguars in the fourth quarter against the Titans. So even with the Chiefs coming to town this Sunday, Jags fans aren't even sure anymore if they should expect to win. As president of the " No Richie don't go club " , I'm here to tell you that it's a process and that things will get better; and that will start this Sunday. Pick: Jaguars win 24-17.

Arizona (4-3) @ Chicago (4-3): Men generally tend to shy away from crazy women because more often then not it’s a disaster waiting to happen. However, whenever a man hooks up with a crazy woman; it keeps things interesting because you are never sure what to expect. In addition, men will say that they never saw it coming, but once they sit down and think about it, they realize that the signs were indeed there. The perfect example would be Gloria Cleary (the crazy chick from Wedding Crashers, played by Isla Fisher). She hooked up Jeremy Grey (played by Vince Vaughn) at a wedding and they both got what they wanted. But then she flipped the script on him and started acting like his girlfriend. She was sweet and loving at times, but also threatened to stalk him if he were to ever leave her. You see, she's great in some instances and yet totally psycho in others; but he still ends up marrying her at the end of the movie. You see, Vince Vaughn’s character represents Cardinals fans; and Isla Fhisher’s character represents the Cardinals. Cards fans have no clue what to expect from their team. Arizona lost their home opener to San Francisco but then traveled to Jacksonville and got a win. They then proceed to get spanked at home by Indianapolis only to regroup the following weeks to defeat Houston, Seattle and the NY Giants. And then, with music of Unsolved Mysteries playing; they find a way to crap the bed at home against Carolina and lose 34-21. Pick: Bears win 24-20.

Washington (2-5) @ Atlanta (4-3): I remember watching an episode of Two and Half Men once, and Charlie Harper (played by Charlie Sheen) thought that he was still a young man and that he could compete with all the younger guys trying to pick up women. He was partially right; however he needed a little pick me up; basically Viagra and Scotch. That caused him to have what he thought was either a stroke or a heart attack. The doctor (of Indian descent) then proceeded to tell him that all he had was a case of indigestion and that he was fine.The doc then spoke in an Indian accent and said: “We have a saying in my country, you can put a suit on a goat, but it’s still a goat.” If we bring that expression closer to home, it means: you can have two weeks to prepare for Atlanta and bring in a new play caller; but in the end you’re still the Washington Redskins. Pick: Falcons win 24-17.

Green Bay (4-3) @ Tampa Bay (0-7): So you've been married with the same man for 16 years and then after your last argument, you guys decide to break up. You keep things cordial and the divorce goes relatively well. The kids are completely messed up though. They were forced to pick sides and refuse to relinquish on their allegiances. Mind you, this man was a god to the kids and gave them everything he had and then some. So this former married couple decides to meet up at a restaurant to catch up and both parties bring their new mate along. The ex-husband's new girlfriend is the bomb. So much so that the ex-wife was somewhat uncomfortable about it and was irritated that she didn't have that with her new companion. So about a month later, they meet up again at their old favorite restaurant with the hope that the wife will be able to show that her new guy is way better. One problem though: it's not that the new guy is subpar; it's jus that the new girlfriend is just better in every way. So how does the ex-wife cope? She finds herself an easy good looking guy to use as a pick me up for now. The Bucs are the easy guy. Pick: Packers win 27-20.

Carolina (3-4) @ New Orleans (7-0): I am a huge fan of NBA basketball. More importantly though I love watching players that play the right way. According to basketball purists, the right way involves giving your all on defense, mak ing sacrifices for the good of the team and play ing as a team. Consequently, my favorite players in the NBA display those qualities: LeBron James, Kevin Garnett and Chris Paul to name a few. Certain things just correlate with one another. In the same breath, I love watching great defenses take advantage of their strengths at the expense of an other team’s weaknesses. Have you figured it out yet? In case you haven’t put it all together yet, here it is: Delhomme occasionally puts the ball out there to be intercepted; and well the Saints have shown that they will go snatch it out of the air and bring it back the other. Do the math. Pick: Saints win 38-30.

Detroit (1-6) @ Seattle (2-5): Remember how the Rams kept getting tossed around like a prison bitch? Whatever happened to the good old days? I’ll tell you what happened; the Detroit Lions. Every week, we knew we could count on the St. Louis Rams to get blown out in spectacular fashion and make sure that gamblers (it’s legal in Montreal) made money off of them. The Lions screwed that up. Are the Lions the new Rams? Let’s not forget, the Lions started the whole movement last year when they failed to win a game all season . I’m confused. Until I can get more clarity, I will put the Lions and Rams on equal footing; but the Rams have a slight edge. Hence, Detroit is next to last in my NFL rankings. That can’t bode well for their rode game in Seattle right? Pick: Seahawks win 24-17.

San Diego (4-3) @ NY Giants (5-3): I made a quick reference to this last week; there are three moves/celebrations in sports that can get me excited: LeBron's pregame ritual of clapping powder at the scorer's table, The Rock's People 's Elbow (as The Rock himself put it :"the most electrifying move in sports entertainment") and the Shawne Merriman "Lights Out" dance. Charger fans can attest (follow them on Twitter: ChargerLatina, seanelgar,NFLShouts, & jheller74) to the fact that we have not seen the Merriman trademark often this year. Normally #56 does his move after getting a sack; and well we have only seen it as of last week. Let me reach out: "Shawne, we love the dance, please hook us up. PLEASE!!!" Unfortunately, I don't think we see it this week. I think Giants fans such as Shari kind of feel the same way. Pick: NY Giants win 26-23.

Tennessee (1-6) @ San Francisco (3-4): My friend Cid is an oddity. He is always asking people to do stuff for him, and at times he might ask things that are outside of your comfort zone. Anyone outside our circle of friends might think he just mooches off people. In actuality, Cid will one day be inducted into the friend Hall of Fame. He will always stick his neck out for you and always finds a way to make you feel good about yourself if you're down. His mere presence encourages everyone to make pointed and timely jokes because he never misses the opportunity to do so himself . In addition, whatever he asks of you, he will do it 5 times bigger for you. That's who he is. Consequently, we laugh harder and hang tighter whenever he's around. Cid is Vince Young. VY has fairly average stats but has a winning record as a starting quarterback. Guys just seem to have a pep in their step whenever Young is under center. Although I don't think the Titans win this Sunday, it's worth paying attention too for the rest of the season. Pick: 49ers win 20-17.

Dallas (5-2) @ Philadelphia (5-2): All season long, I have made fun of Tony Romo. Look at what I wrote in my Week 6 NFL picks article about him: “When Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson, did the NFL scorekeepers count that as a fumble, an interception or a completed pass?” In addition, I have made numerous fictional commercials about the Tony Romo Interception Academybecause of his propensity to throw interceptions in games. However, look at what he has done ever since the by week:

Vs Atlanta: 21-29, 311 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, 141.6 QB rating

Vs Seattle: 21-36, 256 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, 108.1 QB rating

Let’s not kid ourselves though,Romo has had other good games this season; except they were all against sub .500 teams. If we look at games against teams with a losing record, Romo has 8 TDs and 0 INTs. Against teams with a winning record, he has 4 TDs and 4 INTs. Translation: We once thought that Lindsey Lohan would get her act together. Until I see Romo walk into a stadium on the road against a good team and play like a good quarterback, I’m not jumping on the bandwagon. Pick: Eagles win 24-20. This message was sponsored by NoHomTonyRomo.com.

Pittsburgh (5-2) @ Denver (6-1): The Denver Broncos host the defending champs in their house on Sunday. What should we expect? I’m thinking a lot of pressure and hits on the quarterbacks, a few sacks, some special teams plays and game winning drive at the end. The funny about that last statement is that I expect both teams to do this, but for some reason I picture the Steelers doing it a tad better. It’s like having Usher and Justin Timberlake on the same song; both of them have the voice, the moves and the lyrics; but JT just seems to have a little something more that makes me believe he would be better just a tiny bit better. The champs are rounding into form people, perhaps we should start paying attention. Pick: Steelers win 20-17.

Bye: Buffalo, Cleveland, Oakland, St. Louis, Minnesota, NY Jets.

Last week: 7-6

Overall: 66-40

By the way, feel free to send me your Twitter addresses and I'll gladly include you next week. You can drop me a line @ Twiter.com/ShyneIV or just leave it in here in the comments section. Enjoy the games.