Shyne's 2009 Week 15 NFL Picks

After some extensive research online, I was able to get some insight on Jim Caldwell's plan for the remainder of the season. Although his message might be interpreted in different ways, he said he would coach game #14 the same way he coached games #1 to game #13. In addition, he also added that he would not put a limit on the amount of plays that his main guys get to participate in. So I take that information to mean that the Colts are going to Jacksonville looking for their 14^th win of the season. I have used to same logic for the past few weeks and I won’t stray away from it now: until the Indianapolis Colts actually lose a game, I will keep picking them to win. Pick: Colts win 23-20.

Not sure why certain people are surprised by Dallas’ output in the Romonth of December. But you know what’s crazy? The Cowboys could come out like in New Orleans and put in their ground game to work and pound the clock away against the Saints. Once they establish the ground game, they could then go play action deep on the Saints secondary and then get on a run just like the Giants did on their way to the Super Bowl two years ago. Admit it Cowboys fans, I just gave you hope. And just like some high priced cocaine, I’m about to take away that high I allowed you to momentarily experience. The Cowboys players have become a nervous bunch, they are now playing hoping not to lose as opposed to trying to win. The team does not seem to have any semblance of leadership and on Saturday night they will have to go to New Orleans and play in quite possibly the loudest dome in the NFL. Just in case that wasn’t hard enough to do all by itself, Tony Romo will have to face arguably the most opportunistic defense in the league with regards to turnovers. Their corners and safeties will bait Romo into some throws and once he gets some type of feel for the game, they’ll pick him off and take it to the house. Let’s be honest Cowboys fans, weren’t things easier when you could just blame Jessica Simpson and Terrel Owens? Pick: Saints win 34-27.

I remember when I was a teenager, I used to watch the Power Rangers (don’t even try to front, you used to secretly watch it too). The juiciest and most intriguing story line they brought in the show was when the Green Ranger (Tommy) came on board to kick the asses of the Power Rangers. The cool thing about Tommy was that he could take down any of the Rangers whenever he wanted but yet he toyed with them just for the sake of his entertainment. But then the Rangers would bark out some weird hero cliché like “you can’t beat us, the good guys always win (imagine a girly voice saying that)” and that’s when the Green Ranger would lay the smack down. Where am I going with this? Well the Carolina Panthers spoke last week about how Randy Moss failed to put out any effort against them. So come Sunday, Moss will be the Green Ranger while the Buffalo Bills will be the helpless Power Rangers that get served at home in front of their fans. Bills players should seriously consider a cruel prank against the Panthers defensive players, because they might actually help the Pats get on a run by firing up Moss. Pick: Patriots win 24-20.

Hopefully for Cards fans, head coach Ken Whisenhunt has gotten some Codeine to stop his team from coughing it up. Arizona completely self-destructed against the 49ers on Monday Night Football, committing seven turnovers. This week, the Lions defense should be a little more inviting; San Francisco's defense made sure to step up and take things away from the Cards offense. The Lions defense on the other hand will probably look like Santa Claus to Cardinals players as opposed to the Niners defense. The Arizona receivers should be able to get open against the Detroit secondary. This week, the Cards get back on the winning track. Pick: Cardinals win 30-24

The Titans still have a shot to make the playoffs, but a lot of things need to happen in the AFC for them to make it. Have a look at the standings.

Miami is currently trying to hold onto the final playoff spot for dear life. But teams that are below them are going to give them a huge run for their money. Although Tennessee does not appear in the graphic, they are tied with Pittsburgh for 10^th place in the AFC standings. However, if Tennessee wins, it might create a huge shift in the standings depending the outcome of the other games. And you know what?  Vince Young’s only loss as a starting quarterback this season was against the Indianapolis Colts. That to me earns him the benefit of the doubt against the Dolphins. Pick: Titans win 20-17.

The Aladdin match up of the week. For those of you that missed last week's article, Aladdin in this case refers to an individual that ends up rubbing the lamp but fails to make a wish. In other words, it's a tease. So why did I pick this game as the Aladdin game of the week? Because Houston will look really good against the Rams (possibly too good even), ESPN then will run a graphic of all the 7-7 teams in the AFC vying for a wild card spot and then fans will begin to look at the scenarios and will talk themselves up into a potential trip to the postseason. Houston will then travel to Miami in Week 16 to play the Dolphins in what will be a heavily contested game, only to lose a heartbreaker at the end (like only the Texans can). In the end, the Texans will have teased their fans once again. The last game of the season against New England won't even matter. Aladdin indeed. Pick: Texans win 24-16.

The Falcons and the Jets are both currently involved in a race to make the postseason. However, both these teams need to win, and also need some help along the way from other teams in order to get into the dance. Let’s have a look at my Power Rankings. I took the liberty of separating them into groups, each of which is represented by an artist or group of artists and accompanied with a song to reflect their output this season.

As you can see, Atlanta is the group titled Quit Playing Games because they have given their fans some hope at times and then taken it away (injuries have a lot to do with that). The Jets on the other hand are in the group named Successful because they are trying to be successful and they actually have the talent to do so, but several factors out of their control have to occur in order for them to have shot. Although they do not entirely control their own fate, beating the Atlanta will surely help them in their quest to make the playoffs. Pick: NY Jets win 21-17.

For most of the season, I have picked the Eagles to lose. And yet, more often than not, they have proved me wrong. Despite the absence of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have not skipped a beat thanks in large part to the performances of Donovan McNabb, DeSean Jackson and Michael Vick. The absence of Westbrook has forced the Eagles to open up their playbook, and boy has it worked. They are now getting great production in the instances in which they insert Vick into games. The rest of the NFC should start paying attention. Quick add on: Is there anything more exciting than watching the ball in the air when DeSean Jackson has a step on his man? It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even wonder if he’ll catch it, instead I’m busy wondering what ridiculous yet funny and entertaining touchdown dance celebration he’ll come up with. Every time he gets into the end zone, it’s as if it were his first trip there. Pick: Eagles win 24-20.

The Steelers are on life support at this point in the AFC, but in order to have any semblance of chance of making the postseason this year, they have to win all of their remaining games. And that starts with defeating the Packers. Rudy Tomjanovich once said : “Never underestimate the heart of a champion”. And until the champs are mathematically eliminated, I’m giving them a puncher’s chance to somehow make it into the top six. Mind you, the Packers are not to be taken lightly, if Ben holds on to the ball too long (as he usually does) and starts running around and then throws the ball back across the middle, those passes will be going back the other way. Quick note: Please pay attention to match up of Charles Woodson against Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. Pick: Steelers win 19-16.

I’m not sure if anyone else has made the statement, if they did I didn’t hear it or read it anywhere; but once has to ask the question: weren’t the Bears better off with Rex Grossman at quarterback? Back in 2006, Sexy Rex threw 23 touchdown passes and 20 interceptions. Bad numbers overall, but he led his team to the Super Bowl (thanks in large part to his defense but Rex obviously had something to do with that as well). Jay Cutler on the other hand, has thrown 19 touchdown passes so far and 22 interceptions; and by the way there are still three games left in the season. So much for the guy that was supposed to be the franchise’s savior…Random note: The NFL record for most interceptions thrown in a season is held by Lynn Dickey, who threw 29 picks with the Green Bay Packers in 1983. I am now openly rooting for Cutler to crush his record. I do realize that this means he needs to throw eight interceptions in the last three games but I’m fairly optimistic. I just hope that NFL announcers start putting a graphic up on the screen (like they did with Brady and Manning when they were closing in on the passing touchdowns record) after every interception stating how many interceptions short he is of the record. Pick: Ravens win 24-21.

Allow Chris Rock to drop a line from his stand up Kill The Messenger: “Sometimes people woth the most sh*t, have to shut the f*ck up and let people with the less sh*t talk the most sh*t. If you wanna talk more sh*t, get rid of some of your sh*t…”

See on the day that the AFC West’s and the AFC North’s worst teams will meet, the best teams of these respective divisions will be playing each other as well. Consequently, some Browns and Chiefs fans might feel a little overshadowed because their game will get little to no fanfare. I mean seriously, why would anyone want to watch the Cincinnati-San Diego game? The only thing on the line in that game is the #2 seed in the AFC right? I figured I might as well ask my friend Sara (a Browns fan) which game was more appealing to her between Cincinnati @ San Diego & Cleveland @ Kansas City. Her answer: “to ME it's the Browns/Chiefs. I can't help it. Loyalty overrides sanity. I keep looking for positive things to take away from this season and it's possible -- possible -- we might win playing such a powerhouse. To any sane individual, the Bengals/Chargers game would be 100 times more appealing.” See, I didn’t bother getting the opinion of a Chargers or Bengals fan because well, it probably wouldn’t have been constructive towards the Browns and Chiefs. Nonetheless, the #2 spot in the AFC is up for grabs; make sure you tune to catch the game. With regards to the Browns and Chiefs, have fun at Arrowhead, your respective fans will be rooting for you. Picks: Chiefs win 17-14 ; and Chargers win 27-24.

Against the Redskins, the Raiders seemed like a somewhat competent football team with Bruce Gradkowski under center. But once he got injured, it was a wrap. JaMarcus Russell stepped onto the field and that’s when the wheels, the engine, the roof and the oil fell off. Just remember this moment when NFL Films’ Steve Sabol is making a documentary about the Raiders miscues once the season ends. J-Marc has three weeks left to turn around his career as an NFL quarterback. If he can’t do it, the Raiders will cut him and he will probably be signed as the long snapper of Cincinnati Bengals.  Isn’t it crazy that I have to talk about the demise of Russell when there is a big AFC West rivalry game brewing? Random observation: After getting 21 catches against the Colts, I want to see if Brandon Marshall is able to overpower shutdown corner Asomugha; that should be a great match up. Pick: Broncos win 20-16.

 My younger readers might not understand this but my older ones definitely will; try to recall the movie Poltergeist. In the movie, at one point the television turns itself on and a five year old Carol Anne just sits their watching the television expecting something to happen. The scene cuts to the rest of the room and when it goes back to the television, Carol Anne is now inside the television with her face appearing on the screen. You see, that was the only way to get people outside of Carol Anne’s family to watch her on TV. My point? The only way I watch this game is if ESPN reports that both the Seahawks and Buccaneers were somehow teleported from Qwest Field to the jumbotron in the stadium; and they are stuck inside it. Actually, check that, they would have to be teleported to the behemoth screen in the new Cowboys stadium for me to watch this game. Sorry guys, it’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that you guys are unwatchable like the movie Watchmen. Pick: Seahawks win 27-20.

The Vikings took care of business last week when they dismantled the Bengals at home. Some feel that the Vikings are overrated and that they have benefited from a weak schedule. I agree to a certain extent but the team still has a lot of talent to work with. There’s one thing that truly bothers me about the Minnesota Vikings though; this analogy should do the trick: Wile E. Coyote would always concoct some elaborate scheme to catch the Road Runner, except he would always end up outsmarting himself and his plan would eventually blow up in his face. Doesn’t that strangely sound like Brad Childress? We’re never sure where he’s going with his coaching decisions and play calling, which at times leads to a complete game mismanagement. For instance, when the Vikings played the Ravens earlier this season, Minnesota was trailing by one point with about two minutes to go, the ball at the Ravens 10 yard line (going off memory here so details might be slightly off) and it was third down. Instead of calling a pass play to get a possible touchdown, Childress opted to go with a running play and then kick the field goal despite the fact that Baltimore had some success moving the ball against his defense. Although Minnesota won that game, you have to believe that it’s tough to trust Childress. Against the Panthers it probably won’t matter, but pay attention closely as the playoffs approach, Childress is going to cost his team a game at some point. Pick: Vikings win 24-17.

Last week, I called out the Ravens because every time I picked them to win, they would disappoint me by coming up lame. I mentioned in my picks article that if Baltimore failed to show up against the Lions, that I would pick them to lose out for the remainder of the season. Well it seems that this week, the "get it together or else" award goes to the New York football Giants. So let's do it again Mike Ditka style: "The Giants aren't playing good football right now, a once celebrated and respected defense now cannot generate any form of pass rush. We watched Donovan McNabb go to grocery market, pull out his grocery list, pick up his items, cross them off his list, forget to pick up the milk, go back in the dairy products section, debate over whether to take 2% milk or not and then go pay for his groceries, bag them up, put them all in the trunk of his car and then complete a 60 yard touchdown pass to DeSean Jackson that backpedalled into the zone. The Giants defense is now in Ditka's doghouse".

Thanks Mike, I couldn't have said it any better. I know that divisional road games are always tough, but if the Giants cant win in  Washington, there's going to be a new chant in my picks article each week: "Mami andalay andalay Eli Eli oh oh."  The pressure's all on you now gentlemen. Pick: Giants win 20-17.