Shyne's Week 13 NFL Picks

This game is a home game but it will be played on Thursday night in Toronto. I’m not much of a believer in the Bills quite truthfully, but ever since Dick Jauron was fired, it’s as if the team has new life. The Jets on the other hand had me confused for a while but I now understand what’s happened to them:

-teams figured out Sanchez pretty damn fast

-their defensive schemes have been somewhat exposed

-they believed their own hype.

I still remember what the Jets did to the Pats in Week 2 and was thoroughly impressed at the time. It seemed as though the blitzes they threw at Brady waere always the perfect call on the perfect down. Rex Ryan needs to adjust his defensive play calling in order to be able to reproduce that defensive performance for the remainder of the year and subsequent seasons. Mind you, I doubt they will be able to bring that same pressure for the rest of the season. Pick: Bills win 19-16.

What will be the reaction of the crowd when Vick goes to midfield for the coin toss? Oh wait, that’s reserved for captains. Scratch that. What about when he goes back in the shotgun on the first Eagles offensive possession? Oh my bad, Vick isn’t the starter. So what the question should be is this: every time Vick sends in the signals to McNabb to tell him what plays to run, will the crowd boo him then? I hope that Falcons fans have moved on though. Truth be told, Vick’s departure allowed the team to change their image and identity for the better. With that said, if Vick takes has a few wildcat snaps, I expect the crowd to go after him. By the way, can’t you just see all the sports networks making a huge deal of this game just because Vick is involved? Random observation: I can’t believe it took me this long to realize this, but does anyone realize that Vicks can be used as a lubricant? Considering his name is Vick and that he went to prison……well you get the idea. Pick: Eagles win 24-20.

If I gave you the choice right now, which quarterback would you want on your team: Jay Cutler or Kyle Boller? The answer is fairly obvious, but the fact that you had to think about it for a split second tells you everything you need to know about the Cutler era in Chicago. Twitter buddy Fu3lish said it best a few weeks ago:

“Jay Cutler and his wife took his kids to school Monday morning and as they got out of the backseat, he sent them two kisses each, which were then intercepted.” And yet I’m picking Chicago, that says a lot about how bad the Rams are. Pick: Bears win 23-17.

How long before Culpepper attacks Stafford in practice? Against the Browns, Culpepper had a chance to play hero but Stafford came back into the game to steal the show. Against the Packers last week, Culpepper probably thought he was starting because Stafford was injured but once again the kid suited up. Don’t you think Culpepper wants a shot to get back to glory? He was once successful with Randy Moss, so perhaps he could do the same with Calvin Johnson right? That’s probably what he’s thinking but none of this will happen with Stafford playing every week. If some weird accident happens during practice, just remember where you heard it first. Pick: Bengals win 30-24.

If the Steelers want to remain in the playoff picture, they have to win against the Raiders. That simple. The AFC race seems as though it might get tighter with each passing week:

Pittsburgh is very much in the playoff picture at this point, and look at their remaining schedule: Oakland, @ Cleveland, Green Bay, Baltimore, @ Miami. If they are able to take care of business (which means defeating Baltimore in their rematch), they should give themselves a pretty good chance of getting into the playoffs; but then again their squad is banged up. We want to see the champs defend their title right? Pick: Steelers win 23-17.

Experts will probably pick the Titans to win this game because of the good run that they are on right now (four game winning streak). I can’t fault that logic, but then again I can’t fault the logic of the Colts run (11 game winning streak). What’s going to happen is that the game is going to be close but the Colts will pull it off in the end. I’m using the same logic as last week: until someone beats them, I’m sticking with them. Pick: Colts win 23-20.

The Broncos have seemingly righted the ship while the Chiefs were spanked in San Diego. Although Denver struggled in the past few weeks, let’s not forget that they managed to defeat teams such as New England, Cincinnati, Dallas and San Diego. So they are a quality team and they should be able to produce a quality output in Kansas City. Pick: Broncos win 23-17.

The Patriots just got their asses handed over to them in New Orleans on Monday night. Brady had his best pretty boy look on full display for a national audience and yet came up short. Randy Moss looked like a cross between a crack dealer and a crack head. I got antsy whenever they showed a close up of him because I was afraid he might jump out of the screen, offer me crack, leave, come back and then ask me for crack.. All jokes aside, Bill Belichick teams have been known to come back from bad losses to perform the following week. In addition, Bill Belichick is 29-4 in December when Tom Brady starts at quarterback. I think I’ll take the Patriots in this one. Pick: Patriots win 24-20.

Off the top of my head, here is the list of teams that I can remember that were truly dominant up until this point in the season:

1. 2007 New England Patriots: You know, the group that went 16-0.

2. 1999 St. Louis Rams: Nicknamed the greatest show on turf, they finished the season 13-3, had a point differential of 284 points (meaning they were spanking teams by 17.8 points per game) and won the Super Bowl.

3. 2009 New Orleans Saints: Currently sit at 11-0, and have a point differential of 186 points (beating teams on average by 16.9 points) with five games left in the season. So far, even at their worst, they have been unbeatable.

4. 2005 Indianapolis Colts: Finished the season 14-2 with a point of differential of 192 points (meaning they were beating teams by 12 points per game).

What I thought was fascinating about these teams was how dominant they are/were. And yet, the only team in that group to win a Super Bowl is the 1999 St. Louis Rams. Should that worry the New Orleans Saints? Perhaps, but then again they 2009 Saints remind me of the 1999 Rams. Pick: Saints win 31-23.

Jake Delhomme would be an absolutely terrible wingman. He would be at the bar with Steve Smith and then just casually walk up to a woman and start hyping up Smitty. After dropping a few killer lines, Smith would start walking towards them; and as Delhomme would try to pass her off to Smith, she’d be intercepted by some random guy. By the way, Delhomme might not play in this game; which means Carolina should be focusing on their ground game.. Pick: Panthers win 23-20.

If the Houston Texans want to be taken seriously, they need to do three things:

1. Protect leads

2. Play better in December (13-17 all-time)

3. Beat quality teams

This Sunday they have a chance to do two out of three. They play a game in the month of December and they will face a playoff hopeful team in the Jaguars. Look at where both teams are situated in the Power Rankings:

Needless to say, if the Texans want a realistic shot at making the playoffs, they have to defeat the Jaguars; because Jacksonville is ahead of them in the standings. Sadly for Houston fans, I don't think that the Texans have enough testicular fortitude to win in Jacksonville at this point in the season. Pick: Jaguars win 24-20.

So the Chargers have not only been winning as of late but they have been winning big. And now they have to play against the Browns? Wouldn’t the NFL have been better off if the league had just scheduled a second bye week for the Chargers? Seriously, what good can come of this game for the teams involved? Cleveland will just look worse than what they actually are and San Diego will struggle to take the Browns seriously. The Chargers would probably be more competitive against themselves in practice. Hey, at least the Browns have Eric Mangini right? Pick: Chargers win 30-20.

I wrote this in my Scattered Thoughts, but I’m allowed to recycle my own lines right?  50 Cent released his album Before I Self-Destruct in November and Tony Romo has probably been listening to his album the whole month as he anticipated the arrival of the month of December. Check out Romo’s career numbers in he month of December

-5 wins

-10 losses

-13 touchdown passes

-19 interceptions

Jay Cutler is probably whining and complaining about my writing, telling people that some other random writer in Chicago is a solid 8 out of 10; and he felt disrespected because I failed to include him in the discussion of bad quarterbacks in December. His credentials:

-3 wins

-6 losses

-11 touchdowns

-9 interceptions

The Tony Romo Turnover Academy is a great place to lean how to mishandle football games; I get the sense that Cutler has been doing his homework and might one day surpass Romo. In the meantime though, I think the Dallas offensive line controls the line of scrimmage in New York and therefore Romo is not asked to do Romo things. Pick: Cowboys win 24-20.

It’s crazy to think that nobody seems to be paying attention to the NFC West. But then again, with teams like Seattle, St. Louis and San Francisco being a combined 10-32, it’s actually quite understandable why no one is really paying much attention to the division. Keep in mind though, if Arizona loses against Minnesota and San Francisco wins against Seattle, they would be a game back from tying for the division lead. I mean if a wife finds out her husband’s been cheating on her, at first glance it might seem impossible, but once she connects the dots, she realizes that it all makes sense. Can the Niners make all this make sense? Pick: 49ers win 24-21.

I am going to try to portray the relationship between football commentators and Brett Favre with the help of CBS announcer Dan Dierdorf.

Situation #1:  Vikings kick off and then make a good special teams play by tackling the returner at the 20 yard line.

Dierdorf: “Man what a great play by Favre. Did you see how he gave a pat on the back to the guy that made the tackle? What a gamer!”

Situation #2: On a third down play, Jared Allen beats the left tackle and the running back trying to chip him and gets to the quarterback, sacks him and does his celebration move (which I have no clue what it means).

Dierdorf: “Man, did you see Favre on the sidelines? He was so excited, that he just told Adrian Peterson to get ready for the next offensive series because the other team now has to punt. What a competitor.”

Situation #3: Favre throws a 40 yard touchdown pass to Bernard Berrian.

Dierdorf hyperventilating at this point: “Did you see what Brett just did? He audibled at the line, looked off the safety and delivered the football…Ahhhhh…I’m not sure what to say anymore…..Man #4 is such a special guy”

Be honest, does anything described there seem really out of the realm for an NFL quarterback? That’s pretty standard if you ask me, but when Favre does it, it’s must see TV. I’m not trying to take anything away from how great the guy has been for his career, but announcers need to drop their over the top man crush for Favre. At this point, if Favre pulled a Tiger, everyone in America would probably blame his wife for making him stray and then blame his would be mistress for letting word of his infidelity become public knowledge. Let’s give it a try with Dierdorf again:

“Brett Favre is such a special football player. It’s a shame that this unknown woman dropped this bombshell on him. You just can’t blitz Favre like that from his blind side; completely uncalled for. But his wife is probably the biggest culprit in this, can’t she just handle play calling duties? But despite all that, Favre performs ladies and gentlemen; he performs.” Pick: Vikings win 27-23.

Let’s check out the injury report going into this Monday night showdown

Ravens

Questionable: Ed Reed’s beard (lice), Ray Lewis(schizophrenia), Ray Rice (swollen testicles)

Probable: Joe Flacco (smile)

Packers

Questionable: Aaron Rodgers (shook)

Probable: Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila (contract)

Ed Reed’s beard seems to have a life of its own and Ray Lewis is still crazy. As it pertains to Ray Rice, I kept tweeting during the game (vs Pittsburgh) that he was an amazing running back; to the point that some people thought I had a man crush on him. Needless to say, he must be walking around with King Kong’s nuts right now considering how good he looked in front of a national audience. Joe Flacco on the other hand is listed as probable because he never smiles. Wouldn’t that worry you?

After being sacked a league high 44 times, you can understand why Aaron Rodgers might be a little shaken up at the idea of facing Ray Lewis’ Ravens. Between being sacked by Ed Reed’s beard and having good Ray and bad Ray scream at him, Rodgers will be in for a long night. I’ll take my chances with the Ravens in this one because I believe that their run game will be in full effect and they will be able to pressure Rodgers.Pick: Ravens win 23-20.